Dressing up- in whatever fashion, is a woman's prerogative. Of course, men scoff at how much time a woman could take in getting ready. It must be a vain pursuit to make oneself look pretty, right? Not really if you come to think about it.
Why do you dress? Is it to impress the person you are with/interested in? It is a lot more than that in reality. Lets, for arguments sake, assume that a woman is dressing up to impress her beau, a man. She dresses nice, wears nice makeup, jewelry- the works. So he looks at her and goes- oh wow, she looks so pretty. But then, he is looking at the whole package. Is he going to notice that she has artfully applied her eyeliner and curled her lashes? Would he really notice if she used a brown eyeliner as opposed to a black one? Would he notice the color co-ordination between her outfit and the purse? Chances are, most likely not.
Then who are we getting ready for? Well for one, other women! Yes, that is true. It is the "duty" of other women to notice what kind of stockings you are wearing, the height of your heels, the shape of your eyebrows, how expertly you applied your makeup and so on. They would look at you, evaluate you and then talk about it- of course, they will. Other women will either learn from you or give you advice. A woman would definitely comment on your choice of eye shadow or eyeliner or something related to your appearance.. So leave it upto other ladies to critique your dressing up.
But most of all, we do it for ourselves. I can not describe the joy and fun I derive when I make sure that everything is coordinated and it all comes together well. Dressing up unleashes my right brain- the creative part. I can play up with colors, make decisions on how I want to look today. Do I want to play up my lips or my eyes? Do I want to look bold or coy, shy or adventurous? The list goes on and on and a woman knows she can control this aspect of her looks depending on how she dresses. Isn't that just wonderful? To be able to define your mood and be what the occasion demands? Some might look at this as being too vain about looks but don't you think sweeties that it is a highly empowering process? If I had a magic wand, I would make sure that each and every citizen of Mother Earth gets to express himself/herself/itself in the best possible way and I am sure all the conflicts will just melt away- and that is the world I dream of :)
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Every (dark) cloud has a silver lining...
Day to day existance in today's complex world is not always an easy act to follow. On top of that, for someone who is has a trans identity, it proves to be even more of a challenge. Therefore, any time I come across some uplifting news, I remember the adage: "Every cloud has a silver lining".
I came across the news that more US Corporations are now offer transgender-inclusive health benefits.
Excerpt from that news item:
"The Human Rights Campaign said in a report to be published Thursday that 207 of the 636 businesses it surveyed for its annual Corporate Equality Index either are already providing transgender- inclusive employee health benefits or plan to at the start of the new year."
Of course, the definition of "benefit" would vary from company to company and health insurance plans, but the very fact that the number of companies participating every year is going up only points to a positive trend in meeting the needs of transgender employees working at these companies. Way to go!
I dug a little deeper into the report and found that there is more than 400% increase from 2009 to 2012 in the number of companies offering transgender inclusive health care coverage (49 companies in 2009 and 207 companies in 2012)
Page 29 of the report lists the companies at least one transgender inclusive health coverage plan. The report in it's entirety can be viewed and downloaded here:
The report covers more than just transgender benefits but since this is closest to my heart, I decided to zero in on it in this post.
I remember participating in a support group meeting about a month ago on TDOR (Transgender day of remembrance) and an older trans-man recollecting how all the resources which we take for granted today for trans folks did not exist when he was growing up. I am sure he could have never imagined a time when mainstream corporations would actually cover transgender individuals in their health plans!
I know the road to trans struggle is long and arduous but news like these lift the clouds for a bit and you can actually see the sun lighting up the path and who knows, there may even be a rainbow at the end of the road :)
(PS: The news item that triggered this train of thought is from Huffington Post:
Friday, December 9, 2011
Gender spectrum
This is how I like to view the world when it comes to genders.
Imagine a river. One bank is reserved for "males" and other for "females". There are people standing on both banks of the river so obviously they think they belong to one group or the other. Then there are people who are not happy just standing on the river banks and watching it flow. They want to test the waters- waters of gender fluidity.
Some dip their toes, some would take a bath once in a while, some would swim for a bit and then there are other folks who would like to swim across the river from one bank to the other. Depending on what part of the river one chooses, the outcome changes. If it is a calm and quiet part, waddling and swimming is easy. If it is a churning part of the river, being in water is a lot more challenging.
Now what would cause river to move in different ways? The rocks and other features underneath- which metaphorically translates into the unique situations and circumstances that each of us faces. How one behaves when they are inside the waters of gender fluidity might also depend on the people on the river banks; are they cheering you or throwing stones at you ? It may happen that a boat might show up to help one through the waters- it could be manned by a therapist or a support group of peers or support from family and friends and so on.
This river has been flowing through since time immemorial and every generation has its share of folks testing the waters
And that is how I like to think about it :)
Imagine a river. One bank is reserved for "males" and other for "females". There are people standing on both banks of the river so obviously they think they belong to one group or the other. Then there are people who are not happy just standing on the river banks and watching it flow. They want to test the waters- waters of gender fluidity.
Some dip their toes, some would take a bath once in a while, some would swim for a bit and then there are other folks who would like to swim across the river from one bank to the other. Depending on what part of the river one chooses, the outcome changes. If it is a calm and quiet part, waddling and swimming is easy. If it is a churning part of the river, being in water is a lot more challenging.
Now what would cause river to move in different ways? The rocks and other features underneath- which metaphorically translates into the unique situations and circumstances that each of us faces. How one behaves when they are inside the waters of gender fluidity might also depend on the people on the river banks; are they cheering you or throwing stones at you ? It may happen that a boat might show up to help one through the waters- it could be manned by a therapist or a support group of peers or support from family and friends and so on.
This river has been flowing through since time immemorial and every generation has its share of folks testing the waters
And that is how I like to think about it :)
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Does "T" stand for troubled?
Does “T” stand for troubled in TG? Sometimes when I narrate to
someone about being transgendered, they wonder why I don’t get my head
checked. There surely must be something wrong with me, may be I can take
a pill and cure myself. Hmmmm.. Won’t that be too easy and would it
not take the fun out of this whole dilemma I deal with on a daily basis?
That bring us to- who am I? Oh, I am just a simple t-girl trying to live a normal life.
By normal, I mean going about day to day activities, interacting with people and work and stuff *yawn*. Sounds boring but for a TG girl, it can get very very interesting. When you try to play outside the box of two well defined genders, people just scratch their heads and wonder why (oh why) are you doing this? For the love of (insert your favorite word here), can you just not be “normal”? To which I would like to retort: This, my friend, is my normal.
I like to imagine two subatomic particles in Large Hedron Collider colliding with full force. This can then result in release of energy, may be produce a totally new particle etc. Similarly, when my “normal” collides with their “normal”, the results are worth watching. I have seen the reactions ranging from utter surprise (falling off the chair) to a bored expressions- “Oh, I already knew” or “What’s the big deal?” Life has a way of making itself interesting around us TG folks and I like it!
So if someone interprets being “T’ as being “troubled”, just tell them that it can also mean “talented”, “transformative”, “transcendental” and “top notch”
They just need to make a selection from the alternatives and their “troubles” will melt away
By normal, I mean going about day to day activities, interacting with people and work and stuff *yawn*. Sounds boring but for a TG girl, it can get very very interesting. When you try to play outside the box of two well defined genders, people just scratch their heads and wonder why (oh why) are you doing this? For the love of (insert your favorite word here), can you just not be “normal”? To which I would like to retort: This, my friend, is my normal.
I like to imagine two subatomic particles in Large Hedron Collider colliding with full force. This can then result in release of energy, may be produce a totally new particle etc. Similarly, when my “normal” collides with their “normal”, the results are worth watching. I have seen the reactions ranging from utter surprise (falling off the chair) to a bored expressions- “Oh, I already knew” or “What’s the big deal?” Life has a way of making itself interesting around us TG folks and I like it!
So if someone interprets being “T’ as being “troubled”, just tell them that it can also mean “talented”, “transformative”, “transcendental” and “top notch”
They just need to make a selection from the alternatives and their “troubles” will melt away
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